You're not a failure...you're just human

I know, I probably shouldn't kick off my very first blog post with such a heavy title, but if the shoe fits, right? This feeling of not measuring up, of falling short, feeling perpetually exhausted is one I've wrestled with personally. And it's something I hear echoed by so many women, especially mothers... and yes, even fathers too. Over the years, I've been fortunate to have had some very honest, meaningful, and raw conversations with many people who share this sentiment. And what's the common thread behind this feeling?

Managing a household.

It doesn't matter what your household looks like. Whether you're single, partnered, raising kids, retired, or somewhere in between, the pressure to keep everything running smoothly can be overwhelming. And it's not just about chores or schedules. It's the invisible load: the mental to-do lists, the emotional labour, the constant juggling of priorities. This is often compounded by pressures with work, other family commitments, and even juggling a social life.

So, what is it that makes us feel like we're failing?

For me, it's not just one thing; it's everything.

It's being the default parent, the one who remembers the appointments, remembers everyone’s food preferences, and manages the emotional temperature of the household. It's trying to hold it all together while also navigating the unique challenges that come with being neurodivergent. In our home, neurodivergence isn't just my story; it's part of my son's and my husband's stories too. That adds layers of complexity to our daily lives. Executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation... it's all part of the mix. And when the world isn't built with our brains in mind, even the simplest tasks can feel like climbing a mountain.

But here's the thing: this feeling of failure isn't isolated. It's not just you. It's not just me. So many of us are quietly carrying this weight, thinking we're the only ones struggling to keep up.

While feeling this way is hard - really hard - there is a way through it. It might not be quick. It might not be linear. But there is a path forward. One that starts with self-compassion, with letting go of perfection, and with recognising that doing your best, especially under challenging circumstances is more than enough.

Putting ourselves first isn’t selfish – it’s necessary

Here's something many of you will relate to: putting yourself first feels wrong.

I've struggled with this for a very, very long time. The guilt is real. If I finally get a spare moment, my brain immediately jumps to the next task: I should be folding laundry, calling my friend back, prepping for tomorrow, organising the linen...The list never ends.

But then I ask myself: When is there time for me?

The reality is that we are allowed to put ourselves first. In fact, we need to. Not just for our own wellbeing, but because a burnt-out version of us can't show up fully for anyone else. Rest isn't selfish. Joy isn't indulgent. Boundaries aren't rude.

We are not failures.

We are human.

While it took me a long time and I had to work out so many different approaches, here are some things I did to help myself:

• Start small. Five minutes of quiet, a walk around the block, a cup of tea without multitasking - these moments matter.
• Name your needs and set boundaries. Say them out loud. Write them down. Let them be known.
• Ask for help. You don't have to carry everything alone. Delegating isn't weakness.
• Let go of perfection. Done is better than perfect. Messy is still meaningful.
• Celebrate tiny wins. Got out of bed? Decluttered the table? Replied to that email you've been putting off? That's progress.
• Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself like you would to a friend. You deserve kindness too.
• Put yourself on the calendar. Schedule your rest, your joy, your recharge time. Make it non-negotiable.
• Start journalling. This one has been the biggest game changer for me. Putting my feelings to pen has been such a therapeutic experience.

You're not alone and you don't have to carry it all forever

If you've ever said or thought to yourself, "I feel like a failure," (or anything remotely similar) know that the world isn't meant to rest on your shoulders. And even if you're not ready to let go of the weight just yet, that's okay. In time, you can and you will.

This is a reminder to each other that being human is enough. That showing up, even imperfectly, is enough.

So, if the shoe fits... maybe it's time to take it off, rest your feet, and know that you're doing better than you think.

 

From my home to yours,

Tanzin